Sit Down Sunday With Gillian Moorhouse
Today I got to sit down and chat with Gillian Moorhouse about death and how we can speak to children about this important subject at such an odd moment in history but also for your parenting arsenal in the future.
The Background
After 20 years working for international companies, Gillian took the step into the world of therapy and as the saying goes the rest is history.
Growing up and working in her home town of Manchester she decided to complete part of her studying in Leeds to tread some different streets and enjoy the experiences of Yorkshire, an experience she thoroughly enjoyed.
Her therapy work has taken her into several of the North West male and female prisons and she now works in private practice in Saddleworth.
The Conversation
During the conversation we spoke about stepping outside your comfort zone, Being flexible with plans, the trouble when we work with should’s, Her new hobby as inspired by her son.
Not having to travel the traditional route through education, The stoicism of death and its taboo nature.
Suspended grief and Gillians top 3 dos and donts of speaking baout death to children amongst some other super useful things. So grab your self a brew, sit back and enjoy the next 50 minutes of chat.
Key Take Aways
It was great to sit down with Gillian and discuss what was a huge realisation for me a few weeks ago, naively so. There will be children coming out of this pandemic without loved ones and it percualted within me ideas of how will I adequately be able to take care of these individuals emotional development if they were to attend a Forest School session.
It brought up inside me a discomfort of not really knowing the best course of action professionally. However through approaching Gillian and following this conversation it has placed me in a better standing.
Although admittedly there is more to learn and practice, I feel the digging of the foundations has been done.
The conversation as always inspired within me several points to ponder over further.
Point 1 — Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone
The first being stepping outside your comfort zone and trusting that somehow it will all come right. And do you know what…it usually does.
Taking my personal experience and my exit from teaching. A move into Forest School as a fulltime role was one that was held with in-trepidation by those closest to me and admittedly myself.
There have been times that have been super hard throughout this transition, I won’t lie. Both emotionally and financially.
But I have found my way to a fruitful destination and I am humbled and greatful to do the thing I adore each and every day ; serendipitous or not .
Life has an odd way of doing this and if your willing to keep grafting and being flexible to the outside stress factors, bending like a tree but never snapping to use Gillians analogy then you will ride the wave and come out on the other side.
Problems will come to use all. As someone once told me we as humans are either going into trouble, going through trouble or are coming out of some trouble. Harness the image of a tree.
It can obviously be difficult when it is your closest family who simply want to protect you however by following completely their worries or instructions you are listening to someone else socially constructed perception or blueprint of the world and not your own.
We as humans can not live in the shadow of someone else and need to find our own voice in this ever changing world. Ultimately children are not different.
Point 2 — The Invisibility Of Death
The second being the invisibility of death and how this can present a difficult challenge to explain to children and for them to understand. The more we don’t talk about it the more painful it becomes and can have long lasting effects into their adult lives.
Perhaps by speaking about our emotion they become tangible things we can shape and mould and release them from within our minds and subconscious.
As Gillian touched upon we hold grief in our bodies and its potential to cause chronic stress and at times physical pain is something I fear more dangerous long term than actually the pain of talking about grief an loss at the time.
Unboxing those emotions to look at them and analysis how they are impacting our sense of wellbeing can be extremely powerful in helping a person move on and none more so than perhaps trying to explain the events, these feelings and our emotions to our children.
Through explaing to someone your thoughts it causes you to think more deeply about the words, tone, expressions and ideas you’d like to get across which in itself can be extremely powerful for healing.
In turn children will undoubtedly ask searching questions that force us to stop , think and importantly reflect ever more so helping the healing and understanding process for both yourself and your children.
Similar ideas surrounding questioning the given things in life and reflecting on actually why you do things, the way you do and its key importance to avoid complacency were raised when I spoke to Dr Francis Harris in an earlier Sit Down Sunday, which you can find in the description below.
As parents you want to protect your children but it is important to speak and explain death and dying in age appropriate language but also that which is correct such as death and dead.
It may feel harsh but ultimately it will take away possible confusion for a child which they will undoubtedly be experiencing at this time.
So allowing them to begin to make sense of this extremely odd situation. In addition by involving a child in ,morbidly the journey to death of a loved one if they are ,heaven forbid, diagnosed with a terminal illness can actually be hugely beneficial to a child and their ability to process and come to terms with the situation at hand.
Knowing is understanding and as I’ve said before understanding is hugely powerful for a child.
Ultimately as raised by Gillian you as a parent will know your child best and how you go about this is at your discretion because there really could be a number of factors that differ from situation to situation.
Point 3 — It’s Ok Not To Be Ok!
My third and final point as raised in the conversation was the notion of if this all becomes to much and it can, don’t be afraid to reach out to a variety of external sources to gain support to help you and your child on this journey.
Even to simply equip you with the skills to be able to hold a meaningful and enlightening conversation with your child about death. It can be a lonely time and the more resources that you can access the more benefit it will provide.
And please don’t be afraid to show emotion. We all have them and children really need to see this so they are able to see that expressing these is ok.
You are the model for their future afterall. Do seek help and guidance to access those conversations and support networks. As the line goes it’s ok to not be ok.
To find out more about Gillian and her work please follow the links mentioned in the episode or indeed below. To find out more about Eco Ed forest school specifically please visit the website at www.ecoedforestschool.co.uk.
Listen to the full conversation here; https://anchor.fm/eco-ed-forest-school/episodes/Episode-68---Sit-Down-Sunday-With-Gillian-Moorhouse-ehipin
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